Poop Withholding in Toddlers: Why Your Child Won’t Poop in the Potty

Inside: What causes poop withholding, how to recognize the signs, and why so many toddlers struggle to poop on the potty—even when pee is going just fine.

This content contains affiliate links which means I may make a commission from shopping from these links.

If you’ve landed here, you’re likely dealing with a toddler who flat-out refuses to poop in the potty—or maybe one who hasn’t pooped in days and is clearly uncomfortable. You might’ve Googled phrases like “toddler won’t poop in the potty” or “poop withholding” in the middle of the night, desperately trying to figure out what is going on — and why this feels so hard.

First of all: you’re not alone. And nope, you’re not doing anything wrong.

If you’ve ever been up late Googling “toddler won’t poop in the potty”... yeah, you’re not alone.

Lately, I’ve had quite a few parents reach out for help with withholding—and more than a few of them are pediatricians themselves. I’ve also worked with therapists and child development pros who’ve already tried everything in their toolbox. That’s how sneaky and frustrating poop withholding can be.

So if you’re feeling stuck, you're in good company. I’ve been working full-time as a potty training consultant for almost 9 years now, and this issue? It’s what I help with the most.

Poop withholding is one of the most common—but least talked about—potty training hurdles. It's when a child intentionally holds in their poop, often for days at a time, creating a stressful cycle of discomfort, power struggles, and sometimes even physical pain.

What Is Poop Withholding in Toddlers?

Poop withholding happens when a child resists the natural urge to poop, sometimes clenching or hiding, and sometimes even using every ounce of their willpower to keep things in—rather than let them out. It's not constipation in the traditional sense (though it can lead to constipation). It’s about fear of pooping, control, anxiety, or a combination of all three.

Withholding often looks like fear or avoidance—not just a child “being difficult.”

Children may withhold poop because:

• They had a painful poop in the past

• They're scared of the potty or toilet

• They’re adjusting to a big life change (hello, new sibling)

• They want control in a world that’s suddenly full of rules (like the transition to preschool or daycare diaper-free)

The problem? The longer poop stays in the body, the harder and more painful it becomes to pass—leading to a vicious cycle of poop anxiety, difficulty pooping, and more withholding.

Withholding sometimes shows up in subtle ways—clenched posture, quiet moments, or getting clingy with you before a poop.

Signs Your Toddler Might Be Withholding Poop

You might notice:

• Your child standing to poop, crossing legs, or hiding when they need to go

• Infrequent pooping (you should be seeing daily effortless poops)

• Small, hard, or rabbit-pellet poops

• Super big or wide poops that look like they’d clog a toilet

• Tantrums or meltdowns around poop time

• A toddler who can pee in the potty just fine—but flat-out refuses to poop

These are all classic signs of poop withholding. It’s not laziness, and it’s not “being stubborn.” It’s a real issue that needs to be addressed strategically and without shame.

Peeing in the potty is going fine… but pooping? Not happening. Here’s why poop withholding is more common than you think—and what you can do next.

Why Withholding Matters

Left unchecked, poop withholding can lead to chronic constipation, tummy aches, accidents, and even encopresis (where poop leaks out because of buildup). But more importantly, it can create a power struggle that leaves both you and your toddler frustrated, exhausted, and stuck.

These are the kinds of messages that land in my inbox all the time:

He is doing a fantastic job self-initiating pee every time, but is terrified to poop in the potty.

He insists he doesn't have to go and will tell us when he has to go, but he'll go in his underwear moments later.

We are giving her Miralax every day to try to make it soft, but she still holds it for about 2 to 3 days. 

We as parents are traumatized and do not want her to suffer through another bout of withholding but we know we need her to learn to use the potty.

Sound familiar?

You’re not failing. Your child isn’t being difficult. Withholding is just that tough—and way more common than most people realize.

You’re Not Doing Anything Wrong

I hear from so many parents whose entire household feels like it’s been taken down by poop withholding. Their child is in visible distress. Outings become stressful because what if the urge to poop hits in public? And the daily grind of tossing out poopy underwear starts to wear everyone down.

Here’s the thing to remember: withholding is not your fault.

It’s also not a reflection of how well you prepared for potty training. I’ve worked with countless parents who truly did all the things:

• Read Oh Crap Potty Training cover to cover

• Stocked the house with every potty book about poop (Note: Potty books can help with performance anxiety—but they don’t always reach the deeper levels of withholding.)

• Took time off work to fully focus on the process

• Stayed calm and positive through days of zero progress

• Offered every reward under the sun to help their child poop in the potty

And still—poop withholding derailed everything.

It’s not a mindset issue. It’s not about motivation. And it’s definitely not a parenting fail.

At its core, poop withholding is a physical response—a sphincter muscle reflex in the body—when a child clamps down out of fear or anxiety. It’s complex, layered, and more common than most people realize.

And the Poop Affects the Pee

Your child might seem solid with pee—maybe no accidents, and you feel like that part’s handled snip-snap-done. But here’s a pattern I often see when poop withholding is in the mix: parents tell me their child pees very infrequently during the day. As in, no daytime accidents... but also just a couple of pees total.

An urgency to pee—especially long after potty training—is another subtle sign of poop withholding.

And there's often a lot of resistance around peeing in the potty.

It’s not that your child is just naturally a camel. The missing link is often the poop. The anxiety around releasing poop can absolutely affect a child’s ability to release pee too. In fact, many toddlers withhold both—and sometimes it’s not as obvious.

So when you’re seeing poop withholding, know that it often goes hand-in-hand with pee withholding. It’s a layered issue, and there are different levels of withholding across both.

👉 Want more on that? Here’s a full breakdown of how to help your child release pee in the potty.

What You Won’t Find Here

This post isn’t going to give you the full plan to fix withholding—because this issue is complex, emotional, and requires a more guided, supportive approach. But if you’re here? You’re already on the right track. Understanding the why is the first step.

You're not alone—and you don’t have to figure this out by yourself.

Within just one week of working with Jen, we saw a complete turnaround with our son’s severe withholding. Her calm, supportive guidance gave us exactly what we needed—not just for our child, but for us as parents too. If your child is struggling, we can’t recommend working with Jen enough. - Emma and Matt

✨ Want real support and a tested plan that works? 👉 Click here to learn more about my Poop Withholding Plan.

🤔 Frequently Asked Questions About Poop Withholding

When your toddler struggles to poop in the potty, you’re bound to have a few questions. Let’s tackle the most common ones.

What is poop withholding in toddlers?

Poop withholding is when a toddler resists the natural urge to poop, often due to fear, anxiety, or a past painful poop. Sometimes it starts after potty training—as a way your child holds their stress. Withholding isn’t just “being stubborn.” It’s a physical muscular reaction that can lead to constipation, accidents (both poop and pee), and distress around using the potty.

How do I know if my toddler is withholding poop?

Is poop withholding the same as constipation?

Why does my toddler poop in their underwear but not the potty?

Can poop withholding affect peeing?